dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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