Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
