do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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