I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
