My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
