what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
