im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
