I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And then my night got REAL pukey
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
