i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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