dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
