you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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