Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
