shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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