I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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