What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
