Having a random hookup so left but love u
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
