are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
