my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
