i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
