Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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