he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
