I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
