Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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