you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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