i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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