Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can't turn off my feet"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
