remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
