Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
