That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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