dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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