We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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