The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
