i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
