then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
