Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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