he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
