paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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