I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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