College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
