Tell her she can't have a vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
