I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
