she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
