i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
