you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
