Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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