Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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