Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
