lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
