I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
