i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
