I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
