its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
